sun 9 27 6 am

Well been up for a while, I could be manic thats how I do up very early. My mother is still touch and go. I will never figure out why GOD lets her suffer as she does. She a stroke at 48 and she is 85 and blind and lost the use of her legs. She is miserable. Yet, I call her my ever ready battery she keeps on ticking and ticking. She has conjested hear failure and fluid in her lungs and on oxygen. The next few days will tell. Yet, it has made me look at myself and the fact at my age I could be gone tomarrow. therefore, this week I am updateing my will.
At 57 it hurts top wake up and move, but I guess I do as so many of us, I pop a pain pill and get on with the day. I am realizing as this age many friends have died and I could be next. yet I struggle with the motivation to get off my fanny and excercize, quit smoking and get healthy. When I am manic as we know I can do it all and in one day. Doesn't seem like there are days we cant tell if what we feel is our real self or the BP. This is something I have struggled with now for 8 years. Does anyone else struggle with this feeling. How are others dealing with their parents, college, work, the daily pain and just life. Iwould love some suggestions. Well off to conquer 100 things and proably finish 3 today.
Peace
JB